Coaching For Higher Performance

They have a problem, and you have the answer. If they listened to you, their life would be better, and they (and everyone else) would know how wise and kind (and humble) you are.

But, is that what happens??? Of course not.

So, how can we contribute to the lives of those we care about when they aren't willing to take our advice?

Here are a few tricks that have helped me as a coach:

Don't tell people what they should or should not do

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. — Dale Carnegie

Every person (without exception) has a depository of wisdom just waiting to be discovered.

Instead of sharing our wisdom with other people, perhaps, we should be more focused on discovering the wisdom inside us and helping others uncover the wisdom that already exists inside them.

I read a Medium article the other day by Kyle Seagraves titled, 8 Powerfully Potent Communication Techniques. This quote caught my attention:

Influence is found in the questions you ask rather than the knowledge you speak. — Kyle Seagraves

Here are some questions you might ask to help someone uncover an answer that's already inside them:

  • What do you already know to be true about this situation?

  • What would a wise person do in this situation?

  • What do you make of that?

  • What could you do to improve this situation?

  • If you were asked to give a friend advice in this exact situation, what would you tell them?

Help them have a conversation

My friend Jason Goldberg (also an outstanding coach and my non-religious Jewish Rabbi) taught me that great coaching doesn't happen when I facilitate a transformational conversation between myself and my client.

Great coaching is when I help my client have a transformational conversation with themself. -JG

I am not there to be the guru, the sage, or Yoda. My responsibility is to hold space for them, be present, and help them access the wisdom within.

Detach from the outcome.

It's easy to get so tied up in the outcome that we lose sight of the most crucial part of helping people, the action.

As my friend Mark says,

Action reveals answers. — Mark Kinsley

As a coach, what they know is not nearly as important as the action they take. The best way to be helpful is to encourage people to take action—even the smallest steps matter.

Whether you're a coach, parent, friend, or family member, these three tips will help you as you help people go further, faster.

Doug Stewart