I had the blessing to chat with Stacey Engle (founder of Authority Lab) on Instagram LIVE. We talked branding, personal growth, fear, failure, and lots more.
You can learn more about Stacey and the generous work she is doing HERE or you can watch the replay by clicking the button below.
I wish I could say I've been strong this year....
There are things I'm proud of, and there are the other things.
This year has been full of uncertainty, frustration, loss, confusion, fighting, finding, rebirth, recognizing, awareness, connection, and all sorts of other flavors of emotions.
When we face a circumstance that we wouldn't otherwise choose, we have a few options:
Adjust on the fly and make lemonade out of lemons.
Learn and adjust in retrospect.
Adjust and learn in the experience and from the experience.
Or... we could choose to lose the lesson and risk letting it happen again.
In episode 20, we talk about how we can be better in 2021 because 2020 happened.
Here’s to a new year!
Have you ever been angry for no reason?
It's frustrating how every time I feel happiness, joy, or contentment, I'm aware of why I have those feelings. But when I am angry, frustrated, discontent, or irritated, it's harder to put my finger on it.
Sometimes, I fall into a depressive state and have no idea why. I'm angry for no reason. I'm frustrated and can't explain it.
In episode 19 of the podcast, I talk about what this means and what we can do about it.
There are two guys, Mark Quinn and Mark Kinsley who have been a huge part of my life. When I was coming up in the Furniture and Mattress Industry, they were (and are) a shining example of the type of professional (and person) I wanted to become.
In fact, Kinsley played a big role in getting me my first official speaking engagement that eventually led to my TEDx Talk. A few years ago, I wrote an article called, ‘This is How You Get On The TEDx Stage” that tells that whole story.
Over the years, Dos Marcos have been my friends and mentors. Their new book, "Come Back To Bed" is truly remarkable and is for anyone who desires to attract people to their business or brand. Go Pick it up!
If you don’t know Jason Goldberg, you should.
Jason has been more than a friend since 2016. Not like that… Get your mind out of the gutter.
We meet as we were both live-streaming before the TEDx Raleigh selection event in 2016. We actually have the exact moment of our meeting in the video below. Skip to 2.45 to see it :—)
We were both selected to speak at the same event. Jason’s talk was called, “How To Manufacture Fascination And Engineer Enthusiasm, and mine was, “5 1/2 Mentors That Will Change Your Life”.
Jason has been a friend, coach, and mentor since the moment we met in 2016.
Jason just launched a new podcast called, “The Jason Goldberg Is Ruining Podcasting Podcast.”
I listened to episode #1 and was blown away. You can listen on SPOTIFY or iTUNES.
Go check it out. I believe Jason will quickly become one of your go to coaches that will help you to have more aha’s & haha’s.
We all want to be better. The trouble isn't in the knowing; the trouble is in the going.
How do I get from here to there?
How do I develop more willpower?
How do I change the things I don't like?
How do I stop doing what I don't want to do?
How do I start doing the things that are good for me?
Sometimes, we feel like we need permission, knowledge, a sign from God, a director, a shaman, a mentor, guru, sage, or a pastor.
The paradox is the best way to get from where you are to where you want to be is to be here, now.
When I'm coaching TEDx Speakers, one of our main focuses is becoming completely congruent when on stage. That means, what we say, how we say it, and how we look while we say it has to line up.
The biggest mistake many speakers make is allowing their minds to be 30 seconds into the future, remembering the right words and the next line. This disconnect of the mind and body cause an incongruence that the audience always notices. They trust the speaker less, disengage, and lose interest.
Similarly, our mind, body, and spirit must be aligned and present in our daily lives if we want to build the necessary forward momentum.
For me, it's common for my mind to wander into the future and leave my body in the present. You might be standing right in front of me, and my attention is worlds away.
We've all experienced this:
A parent doesn't have time for us.
A spouse, consumed with work.
A friend who's preoccupied with their problems.
Being congruent (mind, body, spirit) is the difference in feeling (and being) connected or disconnected from friends, family, and loved ones.
A few thoughts about how to be where you are so you can get where you're going:
You aren't bad if you have a tough time being present. You're human.
Being in the moment isn't a matter of being moral or immoral. It's a skill. If you were learning how to ride a bike and fell off, you wouldn't assume you were somehow evil or wrong. You would see it as a mistake that you could learn from. You'd get up, dust yourself off, pick the bike up and try again.
You'd fail, adjust, and practice; you'd gradually become more competent. The more you practiced, the better you'd become. If you worked at it long enough, you might even compete in a race, jump a ram, or pop a wheelie.
The same is true when developing the skill of presence.
Like riding a bike, It's all about balance, focus, awareness, and muscle memory. It evolves over time. The problem comes when you fail and don't know it.
When you fall off a bike, it immediately hurts. When you fail to be present, it doesn't hurt till later.
Remember that being present is a skill we all must practice. It takes effort, failure, focus, commitment, and resilience.
Being present isn't like a crockpot that you can just set it and forget it. It's more like a stir fry that requires constant attention and action.
Walk away from a stir fry, and you'll be having delivery pizza in a smoke-filled kitchen.
For me, I set a daily intention for who I am going to be. Each day requires different intentions. Some days require more patience, others, perseverance.
A few things that don't happen by accident:
Resilient children
Deep friendships
Healthy marriages
Being mentally healthy
A strong and healthy body
Connection with the Creator
If we are to have the things that matter most, we must set intentions and take action toward those outcomes.
There is a mythological bird from a West African Tradition called the Sankofa Bird.
This bird is depicted with its feet moving forward while looking back. The beauty of this tradition is in the idea that...
(To learn a bit more about the Sankofa bird, check out Kamal Bell's TEDx Talk called "Embodying Sankofa." I was blessed to coach him for this talk. You can watch it HERE.)
I have a daily practice where I set intentions in the morning (5-minutes) by asking myself the following questions:
WHO must I be today?
What will be my biggest challenge?
Who is likely to frustrate me today?
What can I get excited about today?
At the end of the day; I reflect (5-minutes) by asking myself the following questions:
What am I proud of today?
What brought me stress or anxiety?
What can these experiences teach me?
How can I apply these insights tomorrow?
Being here now is the only way to get there.
These are just a few of the words I use to describe the family of emotions I often experience.
We think it's terrible and it makes us uncomfortable.
Boredom's discomfort is the birthplace for mental, physical, and spiritual rejuvenation.
It's safe because we don't have to face the truth as long as we stay busy.
Busyness is like walking at full stride past a full-length mirror. As long as your clothes somewhat match, you look pretty good.
It's scary because we catch up to ourselves when we're still.
It's like one of those lighted magnification mirrors at the beauty counter. When you look into it, you see EEEVERYTHING: every scratch, scrape, and scar. The blemishes, lines, wrinkles, dents, impurities, and cracks are all laid bare for you to see.
That's what makes it uncomfortable. It's so much easier for us to look from afar. When we have the courage to look closely and love what we see, we can see the story between the lines.
We can see the wounds & scars that have made us. The wrinkles and lines that define us. The imperfections make us unique.
As the head of a major furniture brand once told me,
Our lives mark us and make us. From afar, we can lie to ourselves (and others) and pretend they aren't there, but when we are willing to get close to ourselves, we can see deeply into who we are, beauty.
If we are to understand who we are, we must be willing to develop the skill of boredom.
We go through our day talking to ourselves and asking questions. But have you taken the time to answer?
It's ok for you to be bored.
Silence isn't a void to be filled; it's a gift to be enjoyed.
Next time you find yourself impulsively picking up your phone to distract you from being with yourself, put it down.
Sit.
Silently.
Breathe.
Be.
Depression is an unhealthy fixation on the past, Anxiety is an unhealthy fixation on the future.
When I've struggled with Anxiety & depression, it's been for three primary reasons.
I'm 6'7: Never going to be a jockey in the Kentucky Derby or win the hide & seek championship.
I have dyslexia: Even though I wrote a book, it's going to have mispellings.
I have ADHD: I don't function well when I have to sit still.
I'm not analytical: The big picture is my thing, I'll overlook details.
I am me—nothing more, nothing less.
When I try to make people who I want them to be, I damage relationships. When I accept people for who they are, my expectations become more realistic, and my relationships improve.
I don't expect them to act counter to where they are in their journey.
I live in two worlds. The world as it is and the world I've created in my head.
These two worlds tell different stories. The world in my head allows me to be the judge, jury, and executioner. Be thankful you don't live in that world.
I continually remind myself that in any given situation, I only have half of the necessary information. This fact disqualifies me from being God.
Curiosity and Creativity have put a stop to much of the Anxiety and depression in my life.
Not all of it though...
Therapy, medication, exercise, and Oreo's also help :—)
I am happier when I approach who I am, who others are, and the world with Curiosity. This allows me to operate in a less biased, less discriminatory way.
Once I've absorbed information with Curiosity, I then engage it with Creativity by asking,
"What's an interesting way to make this situation better?"
Most of the time, I realize there is an action I can take or a perspective I can change that will help me manage the person, circumstance, or situation better.
When I approach the world with Creativity and Curiosity, I experience less anxiety, less depression, and create the space to add value to the world around me.
Tom Boyle can lift a 3,000-pound car… once.
After dinner one evening, Tom was traveling home with his wife when he witnessed an 18-year old cyclist get run over by a Camaro.
He wasn't planning to be a hero that day.
After all, you aren't supposed to swim for 30-minutes after eating, much less lift a car that weighs more than a ton.
Tom didn't hesitate. He jumped out of the car, ran to the front of the vehicle where the cyclist was pinned and lifted the vehicle saving the young man's life and making himself a hero in the process.
Tom Boyle is a reasonably strong man but not strong enough to lift 3,000 pounds of metal. He reported that the most he has previously lifted was 700 pounds, and that's when he was younger and in shape.
The question wasn't why he lifted the car; it was how.
So, before you ask yourself if you can accomplish a goal, maybe take a moment to ask yourself why you want to.
If your WHY is strong enough, the HOW might just take care of itself in unexplainable ways.
It's what you're doing with it.
The story we tell ourselves about stress is what impacts us positively or negatively.
Remember that time when you weren't as stressed about a circumstance as the other person? Maybe it was a spouse, family member, friend, or co-worker. They were freaking out, and you were cool as a cucumber. Why did that happen? My guess is you were telling yourself a better story.
As the ancient stoic philosopher Seneca said,
So you might ask yourself a few questions about the stress you are feeling:
Does worrying about this help to improve the situation?
What is the cost of this stress on my mental & physical health?
Instead of worrying, is there an action I could take that might (even slightly) improve the situation?
Sometimes we confuse the two. Other times, we're overwhelmed by both. In every instance, we have the choice to take control of our story, our energy, and our action to work toward the best possible outcomes.
In a world where there seems to be more uncertainty than ever, here's a process that has helped me:
At the end of each day, I do a 10 minute (3-question) reflection:
Here's how I explain this process in the book 5 1/2 MENTORS:
As the poet (and greatest boxer of all time) Muhammad Ali once said,
We must create space in our lives to SEE how stress and worry are impacting us. Otherwise, as Ali said in another interview, "You'll have two chances, slim and none”.
When we can see it, we can address it.
When we can address it, we can manage it.
When we manage it, we use stress for our betterment instead of our detriment.
The paradox is, we never want to hear those words AND those words give us power.
Do all you can to find a way to make it (whatever “it” is) your fault.
When we accept full responsibility for our life, we take full control over our life.
Accept —> Forgive —> Adjust —-> Keep Going.
On November 17th, 2010, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel created unfriend day.
The purpose was to give people a day to unfriend anyone who didn't bring joy to their life and wasn't their "real friend."
Kind of like Marie Kondo, except it's not clothes you're throwing out; it's people.
From one perspective, it's healthy to consider the impact social media has on your mental health and limit the inputs that may hinder your emotional and spiritual energy.
And…
Sometimes, the person who is difficult to be friends with needs a friend the most.
Their poor behavior is a symptom of a more significant issue that has nothing to do with us.
They don't need to be unfriended; they need a real friend. They need you.
Maybe the reason they irritate you so much is that they exhibit behavior that you hate about yourself. Perhaps they're a prophet sent to reveal something about you that you need to clean us.
Maybe their obnoxious political posts can teach you how to understand those who see the world differently than you.
Perhaps, they need you. You may be the only one who reaches out before they make a life-altering decision.
And then again, maybe you are that person. Maybe you need a friend, someone who listens without judgment and accepts you.
So, today, on unfriend day, before you lighten your friend list, consider this:
Were you put here on this earth to serve or to be served?
If you need to protect your mental health, Hakuna Matata.
If, on the other hand, you have the space to support someone else's mental health, be a real friend.
They love us so much they want to protect us.
The parent who want their daughter to have a "safe" job instead of pursuing her passion.
The spouse who wants her husband to keep his benefits.
The professor who criticizes his student for thinking outside the box.
The boss who asks his employee to “just follow the rules”.
They mean well, they really do. And, if we let them, they’ll love and protect us right into discontent and discouragement.
The best way we can love them back is to hear them, thank them, then, keep doing our work.
Even when it’s scary.
Have you ever drank toilet water?
It seems like a strange question, doesn't it?
Here's the thing, we drink toilet water all the time. Here's how.
Even though water is essential to our survival, not all water is good for us.
If we consume the wrong types of water, we will get sick, or worse.
It's natural for us to choose to drink filtered water, spring water, or purified water even though you have an endless supply of water right there in the toilet.
Let's agree, we would never (on purpose) consume toilet water. Except that we do consume things that will make us sick in other areas of our lives.
We consume;
Negative relationships that result in negative self-talk.
Poor food choices that result in health issues.
Mindless media that produces apathy.
Political propaganda that produces hate for others.
All of these things are the equivalent of drinking toilet water and eating yellow snow.
Let's stop consuming toilet water and instead choose the clean and healthy water of kindness, compassion, and healthy living.
I grew up in a particular faith tradition that taught me that God had a perfect plan for my life, and it was my job to follow that plan.
Even as a young child, it was a frustrating message.
I remember thinking,
So, God has a plan and wants me to follow it, but won't tell me what it is?
It seemed like a cruel trick that was being played on me.
As a coach, I commonly talk with people who have the same struggles with finding their purpose. I've discovered it doesn't have to be as complicated as we make it. I realized this most clearly a few years ago while drinking an extra hot, left-handed, almond latte at Jubala in Raleigh.
I was meeting Jason Goldberg. We would commonly connect at Jubala and enjoy their wondrous almond lattes.
If you haven't had one, you should. And if you are left-handed like me, they will put the Lotus upside down, so it's right side up when you pick it up with your left hand. I'm fancy, I know...
Jason is a once in a lifetime kind of friend. Many times, he's played the part of my Non-Religious Jewish Rabbi. His ability to give insight and perspective is uncanny.
I had been doing some writing and thinking about purpose and thought I'd get Jason's perspective. I asked,
Do you believe God (or the universe) gives people "signs" to point them toward their purpose?
He thought for a moment and in a sentence, gave me this beautiful response,
"What if the sign is the desire to do it?"
I can remember thinking; It can't be that easy, can it?
A few months later, I came across a midrash that connected perfectly with Jason's insight.
A midrash is an ancient commentary on the Hebrew scriptures.
In the Hebrew Bible, there's a story about a man named Moses and his encounter with a burning bush. It's often referred to as the calling of Moses. Essentially, when Moses found his purpose.
The midrash interpreter made the case that the burning bush had always been burning, and the only reason Moses noticed it was because he had a burning desire to see his people freed from slavery.
Before the actual bush was burning, something was burning inside Moses. The bush didn't tell him what his purpose was; the bush was simply a symbol of what was in his heart the entire time. Let that sink in for a moment.
I have a mentor named Ercell, who once told me the best way to find your purpose is to know what you stand for or what you must stand against. For Moses, it was the freedom of his people. For me, I have a burning desire to see people accept and activate their innate greatness. That's why I wrote the book, 5 1/2 MENTORS. For my friend Addair, it’s to love and serve her community (More about that in this weeks podcast episode. You can listen on iTunes or Spotify.
What about you?
If you are looking for something out there to show you your purpose, you may be looking in the wrong direction. Don't look for a burning bush; instead, consider
There are some things I could have only learned from experience:
What it was like to get my heartbroken.
What it's like to become a dad.
What it's like to hold my soulmate in my arms.
What it's like to earn my first dollar.
What it's like to lose someone I love.
I couldn't read about these things. Experiential knowing was the only way.
"Book knowledge" often lacks the power to teach the way experience does. That's why, for thousands of years, people have been saying,
It's true, experience is an exceptional teacher, it can also be a deceiver.
An example:
We see this all the time when people project the pain from a previous relationship onto a new one. A negative experience taught them that if you trust, you will get hurt. The lesson has been learned and is now ingrained deep into their psyche. So, they put up their defense and keep everyone at a distance, even those who love them. They trust their experience 100% and forfeit any possibility of a healthy, loving, and deep relationship.
Another example:
As a straight, white American male (in America), my experience tells me American doesn't have a problem. I've never been treated unjustly by the police. I have never been passed over for a job opportunity because I have a "black name." I have never been treated differently because of my sexual orientation. I have never been denied a loan due to the color of my skin. I have never been called a derogatory name because of who was was or how I look. The generational trauma of slavery does not exist in my family. I have never experienced prejudice of any kind, personally. So, based on my Experience, American is great. That's my personal experience.
Relying strictly on my personal experience is to be culpable in my own ignorance.
Here's a perspective that may help us extract this idea's power without relying on our personal experience too much.
What if we begin seeing this quote as ALL experience is the best teacher and not just personal experience?
This way of living is often lost on the western way of seeing the world.
The desire to be self-made, individual, tough, rational, and pragmatic, at times, creates toxic self-reliance.
Think about a time in your life when you needed help and didn't ask for it. Maybe it was because you were too proud, embarrassed, or perhaps, you didn't want anyone to know the pain you were experiencing. We've all been there. And that in many ways, is the American way.
What if we took a more communal approach to "Experience is the best teacher"?
The only way for experience to be the best teacher is to listen to others' experiences and reflect on our own. This will give us a more open and broad understanding of what is true and what is not.
You may wonder, how do we know who to trust?
The answer; Relationship.
In many ways, we have chosen echo chambers over diversity of thought, experience, and opinion.
We complain about how bias the media is and how they are so one-sided. Then, we click on our social media accounts and unfriend anyone who disagrees with us. We don't have healthy debates over dinner with neighbors. We only invite people who see the world as we do.
We call it a community when it's really a cult.
Self-deception is the most sinister form of blindness. It's one thing to be a victim of false information; it's worse to choose it.
Let’s instead be willing to hold our experience and opinion with an open hand and develop relationships with people who see the world differently.
The only way to know where your blind spots are is to be in a relationship with someone who can see them.
This is why opposites attract in intimate relationships. They see the world differently, and as a result, they fill in the gaps for each other.
As Dale Carnegie said,
"If two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary."
What would happen if we were deliberate in becoming close to those who see the world differently, not intending to change them, instead, with intent to change ourselves?
There was a person I hated more than anyone else. This person hurt me, and they did it on purpose.
For years, I hated them. Whenever their name came up, it would rekindle the fire of hostility I had in my heart. I did this for years. I suffered, and the worst part is that they didn't even know how much it affected me.
Years went by, and the Hate metastasized from my heart to my mind. Eventually, I could feel it in my body. It was slowly eating at me like a parasite. Ultimately, It began to show up in other relationships. Worst, It was showing up in how I related to myself.
Then, I learned how to get rid of my enemies.
There's this thing Jesus said that was revolutionary in his day.
In First Century Jerusalem, the common thinking was to love your neighbor and hate your enemy. Jesus had a different perspective.
"You've been taught to love your neighbor and hate your enemy, but I tell you, love your enemy. Do good to those who curse you.”
You might wonder, how does this help to get rid of them?
Thich Nhat Hanh said it best in the book Living Buddha, Living Christ:
When Gandhi said that love is the force that can liberate, he meant we have to love our enemy. Even if our enemy is cruel, even if he is crushing us, sowing terror and injustice, we have to love him. This is the message of Jesus. But how can we love our enemy? There is only one way – to understand him. We have to understand why he is that way, how he has come to be like that, why he does not see things the way we do. Understanding a person brings us the power to love and accept him. And the moment we love and accept him, he ceases to be our enemy. To "love our enemy" is impossible, because the moment we love him, he is no longer our enemy.
The moment we love our enemy, they cease to be our enemy. Let that marinate for a moment.
The thing that makes this idea from Jesus, Gandhi & Thich Nhat Hahn so revolutionary is the freedom it brings.
How much space would open in your heart and mind if you had no enemies and hated no one?
What if we sought to understand "those people" who have a different political perspective.
What if we gave up all hope for a different past and started focusing on being healthy today.
What if we stopped medicating with alcohol, Netflix, and mindless social media scrolling?
What if we started doing the hard work of forgiving and healing.
When we hate, we give ourselves over to the very thing that hurt us in the first place. This is the same energy that caused the other person to hurt us. Hate creates more hate.
Maybe, that's why Martin Luther King Jr said,
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
There's a Chinese Proverb that says;
It's better to light a candle than to scream at the darkness.
Today, take a moment to search yourself and identify any hate or animosity in your heart.
Notice it, Feel it, and let it go.
It was the summer of 1998, and I was hurting.
I was competing in the Bob Gibbons summer evaluation camp, and it wasn't going well.
A few months earlier, I was ecstatic to receive the invitation. Only the country's best players were invited to this event and felt privileged to be one of them.
More accurately, the feeling was less of privilege and more arrogance. I was pretty sure the NBA would be knocking at my door. The haters would soon kiss the ring. Then, I arrived at Mr. Gibbons's camp.
Bob Gibbons was larger than life. He was the National tastemaker for youth basketball. If he gave you his endorsement, the sky was the limit.
My time came to perform in front of Mr. Gibbons that Saturday morning in 1998. The gym smelled of fresh wax and sweat. It was intoxicating.
I can still hear the sounds of shoes squeaking on the floor and basketballs ripping through the net. But, the shoes weren't mine, and I wasn't shooting the basketball. I was sitting on the wall watching the other players. I figured it was more important to size up my competition than to warm up.
Before the evaluation began, I had memorized every player's tenancies. I knew which players preferred to go left off the dribble. Which players started their shot low enough for me to strip the ball before they could get a shot off. I even watched for footwork cues from post players. I was ready with all the intel I needed to outperform my competition.
The whistle blew, and we gathered at center court. The referee explained the evaluation- and we were split into teams. I felt fortunate to have the best player in the evaluation on my team. I figured he would take some defensive pressure off me, and I would look even better to Mr. Gibbons.
The game started and I immediately regretted not warming up. I was out of breath with a side cramp within the first 2-minutes. I was terrified. This was my chance to get Division-1 looks. This was my chance to make a name for myself, and my body was letting me down. I began blaming myself for not warming up like the other athletes. If I had warmed up, my body would have responded better. I wouldn't be in this position.
I suffered through the first half. I scored a few points, but it wasn't what I was capable of. I was sure I would be evaluated as a role player at best. My NBA dreams were disappearing before my eyes.
During half time, I didn't rest like the other players. I knew I had to make up for the lost time. So, I warmed up. I warmed up hard, spending the entire 10-minutes doing full effort drills to get my second wind.
I had learned that you always play better when you break through the first barrier. If you've ever felt the first-mile burn on a run, you may know what I am talking about. The first mile is always the hardest. Once you settle in, things get more comfortable, and your body responds.
Here's the thing, though…
When the game started back, I was ready. My body was warm, and my jump shot was feeling good. I finished that evaluation much better that I started and ended up with a positive evaluation from Mr. Gibbons. He predicted that I would be a solid Mid-Major Division-1 talent as long as I gained a little weight and worked on my defense.
I went left the evaluation with a valuable life lesson.
It's better to do your work than it is to sit around evaluating your competition.
As the Irish poet, William Butler Yeats said,
"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking."
If you want to break through, You must get winded. You must get tired.
It's going to hurt.
Your competition doesn't matter. You can't do anything about their talent. All you can do is improve yourself.
The thing is, the people who have the most stamina are the ones who consistently push themselves to the edge of their comfort zone.
They AREN’T the most talented or the most skilled. They ARE the most relentless in their pursuit of continuous improvement.
Please don't confuse this with being perfect. Perfection is the enemy of improvement.
The goal isn't to be perfect; the goal is to be perfectly aware.
Aware of when we are doing well and when we are not. When we are aware, we can make changes and apply effort.
Take a moment to think about the areas in your life where you might make the iron hot by striking. You don't have to be perfect; you don't have to wait.
I wonder if a butterfly ever feels guilty for it’s caterpillar past?
My family tries to take as many afternoon walks in the neighborhood as possible.
Over the past few months, we've taken the same walk in the same neighborhood on the same sidewalk Every. Single. Day.
One evening while on our walk, my daughter noticed a caterpillar. It was in the middle of the road, trying to get from one side to the other.
Noticing that it was taking the caterpillar a long time to get across, my daughter suggested we give it a little help. I picked it up and took it to the nearest leafy green plant we could find. We named the caterpillar buddy, blessed him, and left him to enjoy his new home.
Later that evening, while reflecting on the day, I wondered if a butterfly ever feels guilty that used to be a caterpillar.
If Buddy had been a butterfly already, he wouldn't have had such a hard time crossing the road. He would've just opened his wings and fluttered right across the street. But Buddy wasn't a butterfly, yet. He was just a slow, hopeless caterpillar.
I wonder if Buddy will ever look back and feel shame or regret for needing help to cross that street?
It may seem like a weird concept and maybe even a ridiculous question but isn't this what we do all the time?
We look back and judge ourselves for the times we weren't as strong or courageous or disciplined or (insert additional unfair judgments here).
The truth is, none of us are who we think we should be. We all have downfalls, we all fall short, we all have an Oreo addiction we can't break (maybe that last one is just me).
So let's be careful not to be overly critical of our caterpillarness.
Embrace the journey and be gentle with your evolution, as you become the beautiful butterfly you are created to be.
Imagine you decide to plant a garden. You envision a bountiful harvest with all different types of beautiful fruits and vegetables.
You get to work tilling the soil, planting seeds, and doing the work. After a weeks of work, it's time to sit back and wait for the harvest.
One day you arrive at the garden and realize some of your work has been in vain.
Some of the vegetables are overripe, others didn't develop properly. And without your consent, the rabbits snacked on the veggies, and the insects enjoyed the fruit.
The entire harvest isn't ruined—just a small portion of it. Nonetheless, you're frustrated that it didn't turn out the way you envisioned.
You could give up and admit you aren't the gardening type OR collect the good fruit and vegetables into baskets, take them home and enjoy the harvest you have.
Let's agree that the best option would be to enjoy what you can.
That still leaves us with the rotten fruit and overripe vegetables. What will you do with that?
Throw it out, and hope next year will be better or collect it into a compost heap.
If we throw it in the garbage, it's gone forever.
On the other hand, if we compost it, we would put it back into the garden and add even more nutrients to the soil, giving us an even better harvest next season.
Life gives us the same options when things don't go our way, when tragedy strikes, when uncertainty happens, and when we find ourselves in circumstances that we do not prefer.
We can push our problems to the side, or we can do the more challenging work of composting the parts of our lives that we wish turned out better. And when we do, we allow the pain & hardships to be the compost that grows resilience, creativity, connection, understanding, and love.
When we plant seeds next season, they will grow with a beauty and richness that would not have been possible without the compost.
Enjoy the harvest, compost the rest.
Learn, Grown, Develop from everything, and everyone.
